How do I continue?

I'm not in a good place. And I don't know where to go with the things going on. So I'm coming here, to the most secretly public place I can. Perhaps no one will see and I can tell my concerns to the dark. Or perhaps someone will stumble across this and share in my frustrations.

I'm not in a good state of mental health. I'm overwhelmed by the things I have going on. I don't have a single free minute. While I enjoy all the organizations and people I'm involved with, I simply have too much to handle, and that is causing me to give just passable effort into everything.

I'm frustrated then with college. I had so many student organizations I wanted to get involved with, but because of the things already going on in my life I couldn't join any of them. My life isn't letting me meet as many new people as I'd like. I want college to be this amazing experience that I thought it would be. And right now it's not.

Furthermore, I'm tired of being single. Not that I'm unhappy being single, but the majority of the people I spend time around are either in a relationship, married, or engaged. I just want that companion that I can talk to, spend time with, and grow close to. I went campaniling, a tradition at our school during homecoming week where as the clock tower strikes midnight one kisses the person he or she is next to or came with. I thought perhaps getting a kiss for the first time in three years would help "tide me over" for a while, but in all honesty it just made me ache more for that companionship.

I'm finding myself, as my mental health and sanity is declining, slipping back into dwelling on my weight and thoughts of unhealthy ways of losing weight. I hate how I look and I hate that I hate how I look. I hate how much value I place on my appearance. I hate that I can't value myself or find value in myself.

I'm just stretched too thin. I want to go scream or run until I collapse or fight or lay down and cry and sob or just give up. I don't know what to do or how to cope. I need to just get away.

There's not a prayer I've prayed you haven't heard, not a tear I've shed that you didn't feel.
Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you.
Even if I hide on the highest mountain, you are with me.
Let me see redemption win.
You are good.

My problem

I have this problem. I'm not sure where it comes from, although I've speculated about insecurity. It's so incredibly frustrating though. What happens is I dwell on small actions I've done that probably mean nothing to others, but make me panic that I've messed up or offended someone in some way. Truly making a mountain out of a molehill. But it's not just a momentary thing, I still dwell on events that happened years ago, and when a new small thing happens, like last night, it triggers all the memories of the other things I've done.
For example, I was with a group of friends joking around and I gave a small push, in humor. My friend said stop, and even though my friend still gave me a hug later as per usual and spoke to me throughout the night, I felt like our other peers were looking at me like I was crazy and that my friend thought I was annoying. It then made me analyze every time I had possibly been annoying over the course of our friendship. This interaction is now locked in my mind and I will think of it every time I see my friend for either the next month or until we have a really good interaction that reassures me our friendship is fine. And then I will dwell on it again the next time I'm in a similar situation. On the contrary, my friend has already likely forgotten that this even happened. I just can't let it go.
I hate that I have this reaction to small, trivial events. It always makes me feel immature, insecure, and quite frankly just really crummy. After every episode I feel the need to retract a bit and not be as social. I probably won't snap or text my friend first for the next while, and I'm going to be super cautious and reserved in upcoming interactions so as to not come across as annoying. Our family will be on vacation this next week, which is probably a good thing, because I need to get away from my mind. Fast.

Update?

My heart is pained with unreciprocated friendship and impatience with God's plan. God, give me patience and help me to move past this.

Conflicted

I'm emotionally conflicted right now. Part of me is joyful and hopeful, but another part of me is emotionally wrecked. On the one hand life is good because I just got offered a lot of money to go to college, and I'm super excited to get involved at UNI and experience my life there without financial stress. However, on the other hand my friendship life is awful right now. One of my friends is avoiding me like the plague and I have absolutely no clue why, and it's really hurting me quite badly. Another one of my friends I haven't hung out with in a few months because every time I ask to do something she's already made plans with her boyfriend. Then there's one really strong friendship I have, but I don't want to keep falling back on that one because for a while she was the only friend I really put any effort into, and after branching out a bit I don't want to fall back to only having one friend. I have a few other friends, but they aren't as close and I can't find an emotional connection as easily. So I feel like I have no one to talk to right now and it really sucks. It's just been a really draining week, because I have a lot of conflicting emotions and I'm struggling to handle it.

Life

I've been overwhelmed since September. Between the emotionally draining presidency we're faced with, the anxiety-inducing decision of picking a college, and the crippling weight of figuring out how to pay for said college, I have hit the bottom of my emotional reserves. Tonight I broke down over how unfair it is that athletes are offered full rides for running fast or hitting hard while I, who have worked just as hard (and I would argue harder) to get a 31 on the ACT and maintain a 3.9 GPA, am offered a measly $2000/yr to go to my college of choice. I am overwhelmed.

I don't know how to balance fighting for civil rights, keeping up my grades, trying to pay for college, and having a social life. 

It has never been harder to keep my trust in God's plan. I know I know I KNOW that He has a plan and that it's good, it's just so hard to see right now. Blind faith is a thing, my friends. I just need to keep praying and keep hoping and keep serving the Lord, and I know everything will sort out soon. Perhaps not on my agenda though!

God, keep me grounded and keep my faith in you. Don't let me give up. Thank you for being the Rock on which I've built my house. Amen.