Arms open worship

I used to be afraid to put my hands up in worship.  There's such a stigma surrounding outwardly visible worship, about those people being a little weird and a little radical.  But, why? Why should people who worship with their hands and arms raised be judged? And why are people afraid to worship in such a way? When God is the most important things in our lives we shouldn't be afraid to worship Him as we see best.  Yes, I used to be afraid to put my hands up in worship. At least, at church on Sunday and at BIGhouse. I had participated in a teen service camp and Caravan 2014, two places where I gave into my desire to worship with open arms, but that was because everyone did it.  Then, in Spring of last year as I sat through church with my work partner for the morning, during worship he put his hand up and I was envious of his confidence to do so.  Shortly afterward I went on Caravan 2015 and after feeling the freedom and joy of putting my arms up to worship openly, I decided I wouldn't let my inhibitions or people's judgement prevent me from worshiping how I wanted to. So now, at church and at BIGhouse, I open my hands and surrender my worship to God. I may be one of the few, others may think I'm a little strange, but those are sacrifices I'm willing to make to feel just that much more close to God.  Here's to worshiping with lifted arms and lifted voices.

Tonight I wept. I wept for an hour about humanity. About where humanity has been. Where humanity is going. Humanity's brokenness. Self obsession. Greed. Pain. Oppression. What is this preoccupation with getting to the top and making sure all others remain stopped in the corners where we have placed them. Where we have placed them to fend for themselves in a world that dwells on status and power.

Tonight I wept. I wept for an hour about the church. About the church and it's good intentions. The church and it's flaws. The fans-- not followers. The Sunday morning Christians. The lack of service. The indifference. Why is this the case when the only thing the Bible requests is to brace against the oppression and make an impression of love in the world. To go out to those unlike ourselves and see no difference because we are all neighbors at the same table in God's house.

Tonight I wept. I wept for an hour and I went to sleep defeated. I went to sleep defeated because I can cry at the top of my lungs for humanity to see the brokenness but humanity will remain self obsessed. Greedy. Pained. Oppressive. 

Tonight I wept.

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Tonight, as a mixture of mascara and salty tears stained the shoulder of my mom's tshirt, I got my breath taken away as I was hit full force with just how dark and blinded the world is. I was hit with an overwhelming wave of hopelessness because I fear that no one will ever see how much brokenness our world has. And not just knowing it exists. No, having it break hearts and turn heads and cause action. But that's not going to happen (at least not soon) and that hit me hard. It was a sense of hopelessness like none I've ever felt before, so incredibly strong. Mixed with frustration and anger and pity and it was all pent up and just took over. It took over and broke my heart and my spirit as my mom held me as I wept. But two people standing in a room lamenting the brokenness of the world cannot change the world. Thus, tonight I wept and I sign off with a heavy heart.

Thy will be done

Yesterday I had an unexpected encounter with someone from my past.  What completely caught me off guard was that I had just been thinking of the person earlier that morning, during church.  It got my mind racing though, bringing back memories from the past and spurring questions about the future.  In all honesty I got a bit hung up, not really knowing what to do.  Then, on the way home a song came on the radio where the chorus, over and over, sang, "thy will be done, thy will be done".  Hearing that gave me a sense of peace.  Although I was uncertain about the future and what I need to be doing now in the present, I just needed to remember that God has a will and a plan.  If it's God's will, the future may hold the outcome I desire, although the chances are small.  However, God very well might have a different plan with different people and places in mind, and if that's the case I will accept my future head on.  Thy will be done, God, and if it's in your interest at all, you know what I would like. Thy will be done.

Thoughts

Photography is a dying art. Anymore these days with high quality phone cameras, anyone can point and click to take a picture. To know how to manipulate ISO, and aperture, and white balance anymore... It's not recognized for the skill it takes. Those who want to pursue and make a name in photography have a much harder time due to the accessibility of cameras. It's sad, to me, but it's a new generation and there's nothing I can do about it. Here's to the grand era of photographic art. May those with passion continue to stand out in their skill.