I'm emotionally conflicted right now. Part of me is joyful and hopeful, but another part of me is emotionally wrecked. On the one hand life is good because I just got offered a lot of money to go to college, and I'm super excited to get involved at UNI and experience my life there without financial stress. However, on the other hand my friendship life is awful right now. One of my friends is avoiding me like the plague and I have absolutely no clue why, and it's really hurting me quite badly. Another one of my friends I haven't hung out with in a few months because every time I ask to do something she's already made plans with her boyfriend. Then there's one really strong friendship I have, but I don't want to keep falling back on that one because for a while she was the only friend I really put any effort into, and after branching out a bit I don't want to fall back to only having one friend. I have a few other friends, but they aren't as close and I can't find an emotional connection as easily. So I feel like I have no one to talk to right now and it really sucks. It's just been a really draining week, because I have a lot of conflicting emotions and I'm struggling to handle it.
Friday, February 24, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
Life
I've been overwhelmed since September. Between the emotionally draining presidency we're faced with, the anxiety-inducing decision of picking a college, and the crippling weight of figuring out how to pay for said college, I have hit the bottom of my emotional reserves. Tonight I broke down over how unfair it is that athletes are offered full rides for running fast or hitting hard while I, who have worked just as hard (and I would argue harder) to get a 31 on the ACT and maintain a 3.9 GPA, am offered a measly $2000/yr to go to my college of choice. I am overwhelmed.
I don't know how to balance fighting for civil rights, keeping up my grades, trying to pay for college, and having a social life.
It has never been harder to keep my trust in God's plan. I know I know I KNOW that He has a plan and that it's good, it's just so hard to see right now. Blind faith is a thing, my friends. I just need to keep praying and keep hoping and keep serving the Lord, and I know everything will sort out soon. Perhaps not on my agenda though!
God, keep me grounded and keep my faith in you. Don't let me give up. Thank you for being the Rock on which I've built my house. Amen.